Freya

I may be nihilistic, but I also have a soft side. Specifically for Freya. How do I reconcile nihilism and Freya devotion? Good question. It's actually pretty easy. First of all, I don't force myself to reconcile them, I allow different aspects of my "self" to believe in them in different parts of my mind. It makes for less arguing among the selves if I don't try to force them all to stick to a party line. But there are some ways where it is possible to reconcile them if I care to.

Norse Gods and Goddesses are less absolute than the God of monotheist traditions. That doesn't mean their followers think they don't really exist. But they aren't some kind of litmus test for the truth. In the myths, the Gods and Goddesses are shown to be both fallible and mortal. That appeals to me. They make mistakes, they act on impulse, they can be slain, they know they don't have eternity. That makes them less black and white than a singular omnipotent, omniscient God, and this world has an awful lot of shades of gray. As I have implied in this blog many times, I am only in opposition to the idea of an absolute truth, not just the word "truth." They do not say, "Believe in me or be damned." They are friends and guides, not the only thing in the universe that means anything. There is much more to most heathens than that. Ways of living and behaving. Admittedly, I don't fit into a lot of these ways of living and behaving. I follow my own path. I think Freya understands. I try to avoid behaving in a way that would cause her to be ashamed of me calling her my patron deity. I just don't 100% fit into heathenry.

I have had a long relationship with Freya. I learned of the Norse myths when I was quite young and fell in love with her. For a long time, I thought about her and then would move on to other things. But she kept coming back into my life. She has given me a great deal of comfort in trying times. I honestly don't know whether I believe she is just a generic psychological archetype that I feel attracted to or if she's some kind of actual being. I don't worry about it too much. I have a lot of theories. But that's all they are, they're simply ideas. I don't know if I'll ever find out how valid any of them are. It really isn't important. What's important is the fact that I try to live a better life to do her name honor. That makes me a better person, even if I am not the best example of a heathen you could find.

So, yes, I deny absolute truth and still allow myself my subjective truths. Freya is one of those subjective truths I permit myself. I love her whether she exists in any way outside of stories and poems or not. I feel like she was somehow involved in getting Coco and me together, even if that simply means that an unconscious thought of her made me open my heart to love again. The only proof of her I need is the fact that she makes my life much better than it would be without it. What more proof could I want?